At this moment you have no choice but to be exactly where you are. If you are reading this article, you are probably single and unattached or unhappy with your present relationship. Your life is the way it is right at this moment. That is your reality.
The truth is that you can plead and pray and scream and manipulate and pretend and avoid and cry, but it won't force things that are not under your control to be different. This means you can not start where you want to start; you have to start where you are.
Life is full of ups and downs. You had a wonderful date last week-end. You are up! The second and third dates with the same person are disasters. You are down...
Both the "up" and the "down" are the way things are. And that is where you start. Pretending things are different keeps them the way they are, for you make your choices based on wishes rather than reality. When you acknowledge that your life is the way it is, right at this very moment, then you cease putting your energy into wishes. This frees your energy for achieving the life you want.
Acknowledging and accepting where you are does not mean giving up. It puts you in a position to dream and visualize your life the way you want it to be.
Once you have a dream you can create goals. From those goals you create an action plan to get where you want to be. Start with your dreams.
If you could have any relationship you wanted, what would it be? List all your relationship dreams on a separate sheet of paper. Now look at those dreams and answer three questions:
1. Is this my dream or is it the dream of someone for me? Is it my dream to marry the rich and famous or am I carrying over a dream from my mom or from society in general?
2. Is my dream realistic? For example: Is it realistic to dream of having children if I am 45 years old, over 50 years old? Is it realistic to dream of a time-consuming relationship if I am caring for an elderly parent? Is it realistic to dream of marrying someone ten years younger (older) than I am and having it work?
3. Does my dream allow me to start where I am, right now?
From these dreams, you are ready to set goals.
Langston Hughes said a dream that is put off "dries up, like a raisin in the sun." A dream that is pursued with goal setting and day-to-day life can flourish.
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